TWO WEEKS BABY

My whole attitude has changed since last week. Last week I was a crusty, tired, worn out soon to be mama. It wasn't that I was unappreciative of being pregnant. It was that I was more focused on my aches and pains that the actual journey. 

This week brings a whole new attitude about where I'm at and where I'm going. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I am going to actually miss being pregnant. WTF? 

I didn't think it was possible! But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I will miss feeling her with me all the time, kicking me, reminding me how excited I am to meet her and wondering what kind of a little human she will be. 

I've got two weeks to soak it all in and even though I'm scared (out of my mind) about childbirth, I'm so excited for all the good that comes with it. 

WEEEK 26

photos by abbey armstrong

photos by abbey armstrong

So far so good. 

Things have been crazy busy with more photo jobs than I could ever imagine and a happy healthy baby. I know I've mentioned before that we've had a bump in the road with this pregnancy and really, I wasn't ready to open up about it publicly until now.

We have a issue that's called velamentous cord insertion. A mouthful I know right? I can't even remember half the time how to pronounce it but I do know that it's no bueno. Oh and it only shows up in less than 2% of pregnancies....lucky me. You can click on the link above to read more or I can give you the shortened version: It's pretty much where the umbilical cord connects to the placenta in the wrong place. The connection is also not as strong as it should be because instead of connection being in the middle it is connected on the side. 

The good news is that baby is doing just fine and that there is a chance that this could correct by itself. The bad news is that if I go into labor earlier than 40 weeks that might be troublesome since that connection could sever and baby could bleed out. 

The first few times I looked it up I was devastating and I would cry each time I thought about carrying baby to full term and then losing her. To be honest with you it may be part of the reason that I don't set up the baby furniture just yet. I don't want that reminder in case something horrible happens. Right now tho, my gut tells me that things are going to be alright and that is something I've always learned to trust.

So for now we wait, enjoy where we are at and plan for the future with baby. I must say I am pretty excited to meet the little girl that's been kicking me all this time.

WEEK 22

photos by whitney richardson

photos by whitney richardson

I'm loving pregnancy in so many ways but now that I'm further along and closer to the due date rather than conception I'm sort of freaking out. Crying has been a thing of mine lately which is strange especially when I've been pretty even kill emotionally. 

I do use an essential oil from do-terra called "clary calm" every night before bed and that seems to keep me from acting like a maniac and being super emotional all the time. I know it's been working for me because I really don't feel a whole lot different emotionally than from not being pregnant. 

Anyways back to delivery.  When I first found out I was pregnant I cried every morning by myself and hardly slept with severe anxiety over having a baby.  Its not that I don't want her I just don't want to HAVE her. Please tell me I'm not the only one!

I'm just really scared and I always have been. Oh and I'm really tired of hearing all the bad horror stories especially after I open up about myself being so terrified of delivery. I'm not sure why some mom's think it's funny to tell me about them. Here's what I'm working with people:

"Millions of women have done it"

my reply: clearly but did you ever stop and think that at that point they might not have a choice? Once you are in it girlfran there's no turning back.

"you're not going to die"

my reply: well I probably won't die falling down a flight of stairs and breaking my leg, but why would I ever want to go through that? NO

Ok I'm going to take my feisty little Italian self and go about my business for the day! 

xo

WEEK 21

photos by whitney richardson

photos by whitney richardson

Been a while ey?

So sorry with travel, vacation and then catching up on everything all over again September really kicked my butt. Traveling pregnant was hard, a lot harder than I anticipated. There were many times along the way that I didn't listen to my body and I paid dearly for it. 

Learning to listen to my body when it says it's done and it's needs a rest is hard for me.

At the beginning of this pregnancy I couldn't understand why anybody would put themselves through this. After feeling baby become a WWF superstar overnight in my tummy I finally get it. It's magical and finally makes the connection that this is real and there is actually a tiny person in there.

We still have a few obstacles to overcome getting her here but I'm hopeful. I've spoke to a few people about what we are going through and I plan on blogging about soon but in the meantime I'm just trying to keep my mind off of things. If there's one thing I've learned it's never to google anything. I've done it twice now about our issue and every time I do I sit and and just cry.........I will google no more.

We have our next doc appointment this Thursday so as soon as I find out our status on our concern I will be happy to share and get some support from all your sweet mamas out there! 

Love you all!

xo

 

 

 

WEEK 17

I still can't believe I'm almost have way through pregnancy. Now I'm just scared for delivery. eeeek.

Ran into a friend the other day at the donut shop, a now frequent visit for me. I say I'm using them for photo shoots but really I'm getting my fix. She has always been so encouraging and honest about motherhood. Something I've really grown to appreciate the past few months. She said something that resonated with me. "Pregnancy is the most fantastically miserable experience, totally worth it tho!!!!!" ha ha how true that is!

I need to start thinking about the baby shower. Even tho sis has it covered party wise I do need to start a list of what I need/want. The thought of opening presents in front of a group of people makes me breaks out in hives and want to vomit. Oh how uncomfortable it is to be the center of attention! People who know me think that I'm super outgoing and I am to a point but I'm also an introvert in so many ways.

Where did you go to get a baseline for the small things you'll need for your first baby? Websites? past baby shower registry lists? Help I'm lost and I'm not afraid to admit it. Also any fun ideas for a baby shower? If it were up to me I'd book a suite at the Grand America and have a sleep over, wake up the next day in our matching jammies and have brunch together. Now that sounds fun!

WEEK 16

DSC_9173-Edit.jpg

Things seem to have gotten much better since the last time we spoke, or more accurately, I spoke. I want to tell all you moms out there.....I get it. Now that I feel the baby more frequently and with much more intensity it's gotten me focused less on my body image and more on the actual excitement that comes with having a baby. I can honestly say this week I have loved being pregnant. 

I know I'm a little early but I'm really hoping we will be able to find out the gender this next week. We will be over 17 weeks and not quite sure if I can take anymore of not knowing. I'm a bit frustrated because when I called the Women's Clinic, I'm seeing the midwives, they told me I could not have an ultra sound at my visit this next week. They told me that I would need to wait until 20 weeks exactly. Is that normal? I feel like so many others have had ultra sounds earlier than 20 weeks in hopes of either seeing the baby or finding out the gender. Do you think that's odd? 

Regardless, if there is one thing about me, (good and bad) I am like a dog on a bone. I will call and persist until I get what I want. Pretty soon they'll be asking me to give me an ultra sound just to shut me up. Bottom line I would be the one paying for it so why not?

What do you mama's think?

WEEK 15

photos by whitney richardson

photos by whitney richardson

Those of you who follow me on Instagram might know that I have been really struggling with the changes that have been happening lately with my body during pregnancy.  I really should have written about this while I was feeling so down in part because I wanted my emotions to be raw and heartfelt. When I read your comments after opening up about the way I felt I cried, like the ugly, need to be alone, grateful cry that surfaces every so often. I realized that most other women have felt the exact same way that I was feeling. I'm disappointed in myself because for weeks I felt this way and instead of just reaching out to other people I isolated myself. 

Today is new day however and for some reason just knowing this isn't an ending point has made me look at things differently. That's not to say I won't have (many) more breakdowns in the future about how I feel I look or the despair that comes thinking you're body will never be yours again. You all have help shifted my focus on the positive things happening in my body. 

I am grateful for you. Thank you for your support and love.

xo

B

WEEK 14

photos by abbey armstrong photography

photos by abbey armstrong photography

Sick of me yet?

Oh man what a great week and a half it's been into the second trimester!!! I feel so much better about life that it's not even funny, not even a little bit. Even though that first tri was rough, I still can't complain compared to most women. 

Can I be honest? In a way I'm totally tired of talking about pregnancy and babies. But then I find myself always talking about it? How is that possible? Is that what motherhood is like? Totally exhausting, totally consuming and yet all you end up doing it continuously obsessing over your babies?

Things at home couldn't be better. I wonder if I'll miss the Mr. acting on my every request and whim, making me breakfast in the am, and making sure baby and I are well taken care of in every way. It's selfish and I know it and yet I seem to enjoy it before the time comes where mine and his needs come second rate. Sometimes I don't think it's wrong to be selfish in our relationship with each other, treating each other as if we are the only thing that exists on the planet. It has made us strong and ready for this. The last 11 years have been all working up to this moment and in any other time in our lives we would have not been prepared quite as well as now to be parents in fact we probably wouldn't have made through together. We are centered, partied out, and ready to start the next chapter in our lives. 

photos by abbey armstrong photography

photos by abbey armstrong photography

photos by abbey armstrong photography

photos by abbey armstrong photography